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Best of This Year

Today in Cosco my friend hid behind the sheds and tried to scare a little boy by jumping out and yelling 'Boo!' The boy who looked no older than 5 or 6 then retorted 'Someday you'll clean the pool in my mansion' and walked away licking his ice cream. MLIA
#3360972 Comments: 50 Vote: average 167478meh 39627Share 
Today, I shaved my legs to the Armageddon film score. It was epic. MLIA
#3362084 Comments: 1047 Vote: average 12333meh 7058Share 
Today my three year-old niece wanted to play "Hide and Go and Seek" as she calls it, and every time I went to go look for her and took too long she would come running out of her hiding spot saying she was "Right here, silly."
#3362376 Comments: 311 Vote: average 8520meh 9546Share 
Today, while I was sleeping, I had this dream. I found colorless Waldo in my coloring book. I wanted to color him, but he run away and I started to chase him with a paint brush in my hand. My dreams are average.
#3360603 Comments: 45 Vote: average 6639meh 526Share 
Today, my cat squeezed my finger with her paw, I squeezed back so she did it again. I feel like we've come to an understanding. MLIA
#3363545 Comments: 41 Vote: average 6261meh 12Share 
It was the end of hot yoga class and we were doing our final meditation. I was blissfully relaxed and musing on a mental image of the beautiful Benedict Cumberbatch. The instructor said, "Just try to focus on your breath - if any thoughts enter your mind just let them pass over you like a cloud." I thought of a cloud in the shape of Benedict Cumberbatch. He said hello in a sinister baritone. I snickered and disrupted everyone around me. MLIA.
#3361173 Comments: 30 Vote: average 6240meh 13Share 
My family was out to dinner at a steakhouse. My dad always orders thousand island dressing for his salad, but today he asked if he could borrow some of my sister's ranch. She said, "Okay - wait, ew, are you going to mix them? Gross!" Just as a waiter approached our table, my dad shouted, "Yes! THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH CROSS-DRESSING." I love my dad. MLIA
#3361174 Comments: 19 Vote: average 6250meh 15Share 
Today, while getting ice cream with some colleagues after work, we saw a man walking his German shepherd. The dog was going crazy about a fountain in the middle of the pedestrian zone and kept hopping back and forth, trying to catch the splooshes of water. I stopped to wonder when the last time was that I've been as excited about something as this dog was about the "flying water". MLIA
#3361154 Comments: 20 Vote: average 6193meh 12Share 
Today, (actually a while ago) my boyfriend aquired an old microwave. It's so old that we convinced his roommate that you had to release the steam valve on it after use. We are all 18-20 years old, and the roommate thought we were totally serious. MLIA
#3361140 Comments: 16 Vote: average 6186meh 16Share 
This morning my iPhone froze on a topless picture of myself. It's been stuck all day and I have to take it like that to Verizon tomorrow to get it fixed. #sextingfail. MLIA.
#3364364 Comments: 9 Vote: average 5522meh 19Share 

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