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restrained

Today I ran into my friend and got a black eye MLIA.
#3362225 Comments: 45 Votes: average 4119meh 2505Share 
today i witnessed my dad feeding my dog with a fork. his response? "she's sophisticated. my life is average
#3361921 Comments: 28 Votes: average 4232meh 6768Share 
Today, (actually a while ago) my boyfriend aquired an old microwave. It's so old that we convinced his roommate that you had to release the steam valve on it after use. We are all 18-20 years old, and the roommate thought we were totally serious. MLIA
#3361140 Comments: 16 Votes: average 6184meh 16Share 
Today, while making my bed I found an orange M&M and despite not knowing its origins or how long it'd been there, I ate it. MLIA.
#3361916 Comments: 25 Votes: average 4241meh 6761Share 
Today, while getting ice cream with some colleagues after work, we saw a man walking his German shepherd. The dog was going crazy about a fountain in the middle of the pedestrian zone and kept hopping back and forth, trying to catch the splooshes of water. I stopped to wonder when the last time was that I've been as excited about something as this dog was about the "flying water". MLIA
#3361154 Comments: 20 Votes: average 6189meh 12Share 
Today in Cosco my friend hid behind the sheds and tried to scare a little boy by jumping out and yelling 'Boo!' The boy who looked no older than 5 or 6 then retorted 'Someday you'll clean the pool in my mansion' and walked away licking his ice cream. MLIA
#3360972 Comments: 50 Votes: average 167464meh 39627Share 
This morning my iPhone froze on a topless picture of myself. It's been stuck all day and I have to take it like that to Verizon tomorrow to get it fixed. #sextingfail. MLIA.
#3364364 Comments: 9 Votes: average 5518meh 17Share 
It was the end of hot yoga class and we were doing our final meditation. I was blissfully relaxed and musing on a mental image of the beautiful Benedict Cumberbatch. The instructor said, "Just try to focus on your breath - if any thoughts enter your mind just let them pass over you like a cloud." I thought of a cloud in the shape of Benedict Cumberbatch. He said hello in a sinister baritone. I snickered and disrupted everyone around me. MLIA.
#3361173 Comments: 30 Votes: average 6235meh 11Share 
Today, my cat squeezed my finger with her paw, I squeezed back so she did it again. I feel like we've come to an understanding. MLIA
#3363545 Comments: 41 Votes: average 6254meh 12Share 
Today, while I was sleeping, I had this dream. I found colorless Waldo in my coloring book. I wanted to color him, but he run away and I started to chase him with a paint brush in my hand. My dreams are average.
#3360603 Comments: 45 Votes: average 6635meh 526Share 

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