Today I got a pair of skullcandy headphones. It came with a stencil, and instructions on how to spray paint your snowboard, bald grandfathers head, and your cat. I'm confused. MLIA

Today I got caught it one of those awkward moments when a cute guy is walking toward me and we start shuffling back and forth to get around each other. What made me laugh was the fact that he was a good 20 feet away. MLIA

I have a friend whose last name is Fail. Today, he told me he was going to name his daughter Nevah and his son Epic. MLIA

Today my dog and I made eye contact. We both winked at the same time. MLIA

Today, my brother gave me a piece of candy. I accepted it, and thought of it as a nice gesture until he dumped the whole box on me and said that he was going to, "Fatten me up and eat me". My brother is three years old, and I am terrified for my life. MLIA.

A while ago, I was watching the old Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory movie on tv. It was at the part when Willy Wonka said "who wants an everlasting gobstopper?" I actually had a box of them so I screamed "I do!" in unison with the movie, popped it in my mouth, and proceded to choke on it from being so excited. MLIA.

Today, I was eating cherries, and I pulled one out of the bowl that was still attatched to another by the stem. It looked like a stereotypical cherry. I have been waiting my whole life for this to happen. MLIA.

Today I found a group on facebook called 'I hate when Voldermort uses my shower gel without asking'. In the info tab it said 'I had to to spell Voldemort wrong, otherwise, it wouldn't let me make the group. Voldemort is a restricted word according to facebook'. Even facebook understands the fear of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. MLIA

Today, I was at the grocery store waiting in line behind two people dressed as rabbits. When they got to the cashier, they held out a box of cereal and said, "We'd like to buy some Trix, please." I shouted, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" They panicked and hopped away. Evil plot foiled. MLIA.

A few weeks ago, I was attempting to teach my mom the proper context for a "that's what she said" comment. She didn't understand it, so I got frustrated and gave up. Yesterday I was helping a friend plug their camera in and the cord kept falling out, so I said "Just stick it in and hold it 'til it's done." From the other side of the room, my mom says "That's...what...she said?" and looked at me hopefully. I'm so proud. MLIA